Sometimes I feel like a songwriter…

This is going to be a quickish blog with no fancy pictures or links. I’m going to try and stick to referring things that I like but there will be random blogs (like this one) that are just good old fashions rants.

If you don’t already know, even though I have a Bachelors in Counseling and a Master’s in Teaching, I work at a KinderCare. I have to blame myself for that bc its mostly due to my procrastination. Anyway, I’ve been here for about 6 months and I pretty much want to punch through walls and kick things daily when I leave. You might think its bc (shorted version of because that you’ll see often) I can’t hack it with the children or the pressure is too immense from the lawyer and doctor partents…nope…its bc my director is a cunt. Yup, cunt.

I actually enjoy working here most of the time, I like organizing my boards and working with the kids. However, I have a co-teacher who is amazing. She’s been working here for 4 years and knows her shit. We work great together but due to a scheduling change for her she only comes afternoons. Therefore its about 75% my responsibility to teach curriculum, talk with parents, facilitate learning, maintain a violent child, make sure boards are correct according to corporate standards..and virtually everything else. Which…is fine, I can do that. But, when there are teacher/parent conferences, corporate people coming in, or anything that’s a “front lines” issue…my co-teacher handles it. Not bc she decided but bc my cunt director enjoys licking her asshole constantly.

Now back to the title of this blog…I feel like a songwriter. By that I mean imagine a songwriter who puts their heart and soul into writing a song. All they want is for someone to acknowledge their work and be able to share it with the world. The record label picks up the song but tells the writer something along the lines of “you don’t have the right look” or “you don’t have the right voice.” Or worse yet they simple purchase the rights to the song and don’t say anything. That’s what’s been happening to me.

I’m the later. My boss can’t even say to my face that she’d rather have my co-teacher in the class than me. She does it cheaply and shiftily. I do most of the work and get zero of the credit. The parents now see my coteacher as THE teacher and the corporate peeps see her has THE hard worker. To be fair I do get some acknowledgement from coworkers which is great. I can’t stop myself from feeling like I’m a joke.

I don’t remember the song but do you remember that Blues Traveller video where basically the above happened? Tubby, scruffy looking lead singer gets replaced by someone who has better stage presence and is more attractive. Anyway I think you get the point. All I want to say is FUCK YOOOU. Thank you.

Zesty Dill Pickles and Other Delish Foods.

Below is a list of NOM NOM NOM foods that I can eat any place any time. Interestingly enjoy they all make you’re breath smell extremely rank, but I feel like not only are they comfortable but damn to they taste good. These are my comfort foods.

Vlasic Zesty Dill Pickles, aint just any old pickles. I do enjoy pickles in general but often times I’ll find myself staring at the awe inspiring pickle selection searching for these specific pickles. Has to be Vlasics, has to be Zesty. Not only do they have the classic Classic Clasic crunch but they have that spicy tang that I love in many things. I’ll take them in whole or spear form any day for a snack. And don’t forget the pickle juice is great for a hangover. Ranges from $1.50-$4.

Safeway’s Fire Eater Puffs, nowadays most areas have a Safeway. I used to think it was an over-priced waste of time only good for delicious Americanized Chinese food (which is ‘o so tasty.) Nay readers! Safeway as producted virtually any product you can think of from TP to Micromeals to, yes friends, Flammin’ Hot Cheetos. Their Snack Artist Fire Eater chips are their take on ‘em. I’m the first to admit that I am a long time Flammin’ Hot Cheeto addict. I saw these on sale and thought I’d try them out, I’ve been hooked ever since. They are better than the original! Where Flammin’ Hot Cheetos excels at spicy, eventually your taste buds die out, with Fire Eater chips there is a better ratio of cheese to spice making for deliciousness. If you have a Safeway nearby check these suckers out if you dig the spice. Ranges from $1.99 to $3.99.

Any Canned Version of Smoked Oysters, I almost always by a can. Smoked oysters from a can are so oily, so smelly, but so tasty. Once I use that pull tab to peel a pack open I can’t stop eating. They are one of those foods that when you’re eating them they smell and taste amazing, but if someone else in a mile radius is eating them, you want to vomit. Great for a snack anytime you’re alone unless you want to make the whole room spew. Ranges from $.99 to $2.99

Ben and Jerry’s Red Velvet Cake , do I really need to explain? Just try it. Ranges from $2.99 to $5.99.

Halloween

I fucking love Halloween. I love that you can annoy animals by dressing them up. I could go as far as to say its my favorite holiday but then again its not typically surrounded by mounds of food (Thanksgiving) which clearly I enjoy. I’m hard pressed to find anything I don’t like about Halloween. If I don’t have any plans on Halloween night I enjoy the simplicity of staying home to hand out candy to costumed youngsters. If I do have plans I dress up and party it up. Following is a recount of my evening on Halloween 2011. It was a good one. If you aren’t interested in the personal-ness of this post, at least skip forward to the links to check out some local Portland, OR hotspots. Needless to say this year was one in which I had plans.

Costume. I originally planned to be either a lawn gnome or a lady dalek. As I am a preschool teacher (bummer) I decided to go off course and be a clown. I figured for actual Halloween I could death-ify, zombi-fy, vampire-ify, something-ify the clown costume. I didn’t I got lazy and poor and ended up going as a clown. After I got ready to hit the town and gather the two male counterparts we hit up Ground Kontrol. If you ever come to Portland, OR you MUST hit up Ground Kontrol. Its, no joke, probably one of the coolest places you’l find. How can you go wrong with classic arcade games AND booze. Genius. Already being awesome they were showing Trick R Treat on a projection screen. Awesome. I almost wish we would have spent the evening there but we were ready to bar up. Next stop, Kelly’s Olympian.

Being in downtown Portland on a regular evening you can expect to run into colorful characters. Times that by infinity on Halloween. First we come across Micheal Moore giving a righteous speech about some Occupy this or that. (over it) After our initial excitement we realized it was $35 just to hear the dude speech. Snuff that. As we are admiring the population that has chosen to spend the $35 we come across a clearly flamming gay gentleman. Colorful indeed. After some general chatting up he says we should hit up CC Slaugthers. “Ok sir, adios.” <— i don’t want to forget he gave us candy! You should most definitely take candy from strangers, especially when they are gay and dressed like a zombie. On to the Olympian.

Once there we quickly realize it is not poppin. Leave it to me to be in hip downtown Portland and get hit on by the one buy not dressed up who ends up being a middle-aged business man with kids. I should have accepted the “any drink” offer from him but seeing as how I’m general awkward around everything, I declined. After a beer and a shot and a plate fun of “severed fingers” that ended up being a non-impressive plate of mozzarella sticks we decided to see what CC Slaughters was all about. Although we are cool wit da gays, none of the 3 of us had been to a gay bar. Supposedly.

Anyway, after we make a pit stuff at the car to drink illegally from an open container we headed over. Luckily for us all these places were in a 10min walking distance. As we turn the corner we immediately know which bar it is. Those gays know how to party. Everyone is dressed up in elaborate, mostly scantily clad costumes and is clearly either drunk, on some E or just generally a lunatic. Once inside we are in awe, the techno is pumpin, everyone is super friendly, and we can’t tell which bathroom is for women/men. Now this my friends is poppin….

10 mins later….

I want to leeeeave. First off I can’t get a fucking drink, and trust me, to be in this place, you need a drink. Secondly, if you know me you know that I don’t dance. If you don’t know me..now you know. Unless there are points and a control involved, I don’t dance. I hate clubs because I always get left to my own devices whilst my friends hit up the Lady Gaga glowstickin. After the initial novelty value of the super flamming, impossible to get a drink-ness, I wanted out. I may be cool wit den gays, but they are not my peeps. Just like how high heel wearing, mall going, Beyonce loving, Gucci wearing people in general are not my peeps.

So we leave. Whew.

The rest of the fab evening is a bit wishy washy but we ended up at a bar called Powell Hurst, creative as that is its named after it’s named after its 2 cross streets. When I walk in, smashed, I realize that the only people there on Halloween night at 1am are 4 Mexicans. Those are my peeps. After hugs and being ditched by my two smoker accomplices. I get hit on my a Mexi and we take off to our final destination, Tina’s Corner.

Tina’s Corner in Portland, OR is delicious. If you want some homestyle food on the cheap this is the place to go. Given I was a bit off the deep end and a pile of Cheese-Its would have been amazing, the left overs the next day proved my point, nom nom nom.

Ended up back home having some drunk convos about life and shit and waking up the next morning looking like this…

All in all Halloween is awesome. Whether you have a night like I did or if you are at home handing out candy to the chitlins. Its great and it is def referred by a female nerd.

Nerdist Podcast

I really enjoy the Nerdist Podcast. I recently saw a live podcast at the Aladdin Theater in Portland, OR. It was amazing. So amazing in fact that I got chills. If you know me personally that probably comes as some what of a shock because I hardly ever get excited about anything. Sad, but true. Not to say that I hate things but I like what I like and don’t pretend.

Hosted by Chris Hardwick, Jonah Ray, and Matt Mira, this podcast is everything I enjoy. They talk about pretty much anything that strikes their fancy and insert their hilarious comedy into the dialogue. Everything from techy, as in iPhone 4s, to TV shows, as in Doctor Who, to movies, Super 8, seems to be something that I’m interested in or become interested in.

I think why I love it so much is because even with nerd-isms becoming part of pop culture and taking on a new form of hipster coolness, I still haven’t singular found one thing that encompassed everything I like, and the Nerdist Podcast does.

I had been aware of Hardwick for a long time, since his Singled Out days, but had not followed him stalkerly. However, he keep popping up on programming that I enjoyed like G4s “Attack of the Show,” or Adam Carolla’s podcast. I found myself really enjoying Hardwick when he would take over the hosting reigns on “Attack,” and whenever he was a guest on Carolla’s podcast, I’d be sure to listen. When it was announced Hardwick would be hosting his own podcast I was giddy. I’ve been hooked ever since.

With the addition of Jonah Ray and Matt Mira the podcast took off to new levels for me. Partly because Jonah added his nerdy zombie fetish and hilarious comedy and Mira added his “I’m just like you” aspect (Hardwick met and befriended Mira at an Apple store.)

Not to mention the guys are just SUPER NICE!

Its basically just awesome. Especially when I have a minimum 30min commute to work Monday-Friday its great to have a go-to podcast to listen to. Even when the guest is someone I may not have heard of the guys make it fun and interesting and I find myself discovering things that I may not have ever thought of enjoying.

If you get the chance I really suggest you check the podcast out whether you are into Buffy, Doctor Who, The Walking Dead, Dave Matthews Band, NASA, Apple products or just are a fan of comedy, you’ll enjoy this podcast.

Now Nerdist has morphed into an industries giant featuring many podcasts from a 9 year old boy to a sex nerd and the guys are popping up on BBC American with their (hopefully pick up) tv show and AMC on The Talking Dead. It fills me with so much joy knowing that these fellas are getting recognized because they are indeed awesome.

Check it out here … Nerdist Podcast and if you’re interested subscribe to their RSS feed or download on iTunes. You won’t regret it!

Enjoy your burrito!

Busy? Watch These.

I watch a lot of TV. Which is interesting as I don’t have cable. I had a brief 1 month period where I had not only cable but DVR and On Demand. Needless to say my brain almost exploded. My other half and I decided that we needed to get rid of cable 1. because it was hellza expensive, and 2. because Netflix (see previous post) is more than enough to occupy my television viewing time.

So, back to the task at hand. I love me some hard thinking documentaries and thought provoking programming, but sometimes I just want to turn my brain off and watch something simple. I’m not always down to be on the edge of my seat waiting to find out who the next cylon is (Battlestar Galactica) or in the mood for constant call backs from seasons passed (Doctor Who). Sometimes I like a simple storyline that you don’t have to be a hardcore fan to enjoy. Following are some suggestions for those who might be in the same mind set as discussed above. These are shows that are great to watch when you’re cleaning the house, putting away groceries, surfing the web, or (as I’m doing right now) writing up a new blog post.

As I type this I’m watching a show that has become recently available on Netflix, Warehouse 13. You may have heard of it, you may not have. It’s on SyFy so odds are if you’ve stumbled across this blog you’ve probably heard of it. Like I said I’ve just started watching the show, I’m 5 eps in, but its pretty damn entertaining. To sum up the general plot that happens often in this list, it stars an uptight female lead as well as her quirky male counterpart. These two are enlisted to work for an off shoot of the Secret Service, Warehouse 13. Warehouse 13 houses artifacts that basically have supernatural powers. Chaos and quarks happen, cases to solve, sexual tension, and fun. This is a great show to throw on while you are busy as you can stop watching for a good 15mins, come back to the show, and still understand whats happening. Seasons 1 and 2 are available on Netflix Instant. **

The next show on my list of mindless fun is Psych. This show is currently on USA..I know, right?, who watches USA? Not me. I watch Netflix. Psych is similar to Warehouse 13 in the fact that it follows two detectives, one quirky, one straight-laced on silly adventures. the main character has a keen sense of observation which turns into the overall premiss of the show — lying about having psychic abilities. Again you can watch this show while doing other things, come back, and follow right along. There are hardly any callbacks and the plots are very easy to follow. It combines some (pretend) supernatural ideas with fun crime investigating.  Seasons 1-5 are available on Netflix Instant. **

Bones is another show available on Netflix. Most people have heard of the show but may have passed it by. I recommend going and giving it a try. For the third time in a row it involves both a straight-arrow character and the rebel character crime solving. See a recurring theme in television? I started watching this show because I’m a die hard Buffy/Angel fan and wanted to check out Boreanez in his new role. If you’re an Angel fan imagine Angel in his later seasons, this is who he plays in Bones. In combination with the title characters loveable standoffishness the show is pretty great. The crimes usually end with some sort of preditable twist but the chemistry between Bones and Booth as well as the rest of the cast keeps me coming back for more. Seasons 1-5 are available on Netflix Instant. **

You know that show Terra Nova that everyone is going on about? Well Primeval is it’s predecessor.  Primeval follows a group of interesting characters who are part of small group that knows about existence of portals to the past. There are dinosaurs and other prehistoric creaters I don’t know the name of that keep popping up around the world and the Primeval team is responsible for getting them back to their time. Clearly with time portals shit goes down, and indeed it does. You can pick up and stop at virtually any point in the series as the majority of the episodes stand alone with single plot lines. Season 3 is left with a huge cliffhanger and I can’t wait to see what happens next. Plus who doesn’t fucking love dinosaurs. Seasons 1-3 are available on Netflix Instant. **

Going back to the SyFy channel we have Eureka. As this blog is already quite long I’ll be quick. Eureka is another great show to watch while you’re busy. The general plot is that an every day cop gets stuck and then recruited to be the sheriff of Euerka, a town created by the government that’s full of exceptionally smart people. Crazy shit happens and the sheriff and his daughter are usually in the middle of it. Turn it on, do some dishes, enjoy. Seasons 1-3 are available on Netflix Instant. **

Also there is always Pawn Stars/Storage Wars/American Pickers/Hardcore Pawn/American Pawn Wars. Duh.

This list is of shows that I am not a die hard fan of. These are not shows that I would have posters of nor would I cosplay it up in their honor. These are shows that I watch when I’m busy, when I have other shit going on, or I’m going to take a nap. They are simple, they are enjoyable, they are fun. Smiley emoticon.

Hulu vs Netflix

How to choose Netflix or Hulu Plus…

Here’s the answer, both. Or this is what I believed the solution to be, until I tried it. My thinking behind the decision to have both Netflix and Hulu plus was this: Netflix offers a ton of movies On Demand, like Labyrinth, as well as many older TV shows that can be watched from beginning to end, like Doctor Who. However, Hulu Plus offers modern mainstream programming like Community and So You Think You Can Dance — yes I watch both. So…once I have both, I have the world in my hands, muahahaha.

No. Here’s what really happened. Netflix still consumed by television viewing time. When I would remember to turn over to Hulu Plus I’d soon realize that many of the programs weren’t available until days after their original airing (Awkward.), or they were only available for web (So You Think You Can Dance), <—Which is free anyway.

In a nut shell I was playing double my Netflix subscription ($7.99 for Netflix, $7.99 for Hulu Plus) for virtually no reason. Anything I wanted to watch on Hulu Plus was available for free on the website.

Even with its recent Quikster faux paw Netflix wins hands down. I’m still going strong by refusing to pay an additional $7.99 for 1 DVD at a time unlimited because in all reality most of the titles Netflix has to offer (that I want to watch) eventually is available for instant viewing — and if there is a new release I can’t wait for I’m willing to pay the $4.99 on Zune to watch it instantly on my XBOX 360, and truthfully that happens once a month.

So hahaha Hulu Plus I discovered that you are crap. Maybe one day in the future you will be worth my precious extra $8 but for now I say no thank you silly goose.

Netflix for life, hands dizzown.

 

SKADOOSH!